What a nightmare...

Just when I thought things might be getting a little better, it comes crashing down all at once.

Couldn't sleep right, kept tossing and turning, waking up in the middle of the night several times...

Who am I going to run to when all shit goes down? You were the only person I looked forward to talking to, to brighten up my days. When all hope was lost, I knew I can turn to you because I knew you'd be keeping my walls in tact, filling in the pieces, making everything okay. How does someone handle a situation like this? You say I'm still your bestfriend but being lovers and friends are two different things. Being friends can only fulfill so much needs and lovers can fulfill all... I honestly didn't believe this was going to happen. I mean, I guess I had a feeling but I thought I was just over thinking. It's not over thinking when it's coming from your mouth that we should separate.

Okay, I might am being selfish to say that I want you to myself... How can losing the perfect boyfriend or perfect anyone for that matter make anyone feel good? I believed we can overcome anything, maybe I was just sugar coating it or giving it false hope... Trying to make everything easier but instead it's a lot worst... I'm not blaming anything on you because you're only looking out for yourself, I'm more so blaming it on myself. Why? Because you even said in the beginning that this might not work out, yet I still gave it my all... Hurting myself in the end... I guess it was a sign when you told me, "if worst comes to worst, we'd still be really great friends", I should've took into consideration that you were already thinking...

I still want you to think about what I said in the IM message that I sent you... Give it some thought... "If worst comes to worst, we'd still be really great friends", at least we'd still have that... Hope we can talk soon...

I just wanna crawl into a dark hole and cry myself to sleep because this world is too cruel for me and life itself just isn't fair...

I love you, always have, always will...
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