What a nightmare...

Just when I thought things might be getting a little better, it comes crashing down all at once.

Couldn't sleep right, kept tossing and turning, waking up in the middle of the night several times...

Who am I going to run to when all shit goes down? You were the only person I looked forward to talking to, to brighten up my days. When all hope was lost, I knew I can turn to you because I knew you'd be keeping my walls in tact, filling in the pieces, making everything okay. How does someone handle a situation like this? You say I'm still your bestfriend but being lovers and friends are two different things. Being friends can only fulfill so much needs and lovers can fulfill all... I honestly didn't believe this was going to happen. I mean, I guess I had a feeling but I thought I was just over thinking. It's not over thinking when it's coming from your mouth that we should separate.

Okay, I might am being selfish to say that I want you to myself... How can losing the perfect boyfriend or perfect anyone for that matter make anyone feel good? I believed we can overcome anything, maybe I was just sugar coating it or giving it false hope... Trying to make everything easier but instead it's a lot worst... I'm not blaming anything on you because you're only looking out for yourself, I'm more so blaming it on myself. Why? Because you even said in the beginning that this might not work out, yet I still gave it my all... Hurting myself in the end... I guess it was a sign when you told me, "if worst comes to worst, we'd still be really great friends", I should've took into consideration that you were already thinking...

I still want you to think about what I said in the IM message that I sent you... Give it some thought... "If worst comes to worst, we'd still be really great friends", at least we'd still have that... Hope we can talk soon...

I just wanna crawl into a dark hole and cry myself to sleep because this world is too cruel for me and life itself just isn't fair...

I love you, always have, always will... "Let it go...
Can’t let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, going do what you want to do
Can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right"
- Mary J. Blige Such a dramatic change, from having all of you to having so little... I got a little too comfortable... Since I've been back, everything seems so blehh. Okay, so I have been back for only 3 days but still! Thats a long time to be away from him. =X I don't know how to feel or how I should feel, definitely not like this. I just want to be with him already. The secure feeling I get when he's around, nothing in the world mattered, only ones mattered was us. :] I liked that, maybe a little too much. =X These things aren't controllable... When have people been able to control their feelings? Never.

Life has too much caution signs up, it'd be nice if they'd lower their guard down for a little.

Today is my 1 year with the store. [Insert sarcasm] Yay. It's been too long with the store, it's time to move on. So, what do I want to do?

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. Life
     part two?

This thing called life, some people love it and others hate it. Me, I personally don't really have a preference. Some days I'm high on it and other times I'm miserable. I guess it really depends on whats going on. I know I've blogged about this subject a few times before but I'm still trying to figure out what it really means or what it's really all about. Yes, the saying is "you only live life once so live it to the fullest" but living to the fullest means all responsibilities is thrown out the window or forgotten? A lot of people's problems are because they're NOT responsible for their actions. Being cautious and what-not about things sure does bring your "fun" down. Always thinking about the consequences. What if there was no such thing? Would this world be in a happier place? Would people be in debt or are left on the streets being homeless? These questions will never have an answer but it doesn't hurt to ask, right? (: Never know, there just might be an answer, I just gotta look deeper into it. If only life was more simpler [yeah, yeah, I know, life is what I make it]. Sometimes I wish there was a "starter's kit" for this thing, life. At least it'll help a little or a lot. Lead me in the direction I want to be going or need to be going. That helping hand stopped coming once you leave high school because after that, you're into your adulthood... =T It'd still be nice to know once in awhile that I'm doing the right thing or I've accomplished what needs to be done.

I'm safe to say this much, I'm happy and thats a big factor in all of this. I do have my moments but that doesn't mean it's going to bring me down. I got so much more to look forward to then to dwell on stupid shit. Life is too short to care what happened in the past. You move on and explore some more. Spending all of my time and energy on something that doesn't even matter no more or no one really gives a shit is so wasteful. Once that time is gone, you can never gain it back so don't be an idiot, keep your head up and smile. Theres not enough time for nonsense so go out and play, have fun, smile, laugh, etc. It doesn't matter what other people think because it's not important, only your opinion matters most. Fuck what they said and heard, only you know yourself best. (: Happy Birthday Warren! Have a good one Kiddo. (: I'll make it up when I get back. For now, kick it with your friends and have fun. :D It's really near. (: Once tomorrow is over, I'm there with him. :] The day has finally arrived. :D I'm so excited. Can't help but to have a humongerous smile on my face. ^@^ One whole month, yipee~! :D Hehe, if he's reading this, he's probably laughing at me cause I'm so giddy. Baby, I can't help it~! (: **GiGGLES**

Eep, should probably start packing. =X

Lets go Celtics, lets go! :D [Sorry Babe~! xD] <33 Time sure does fly. It has been already 8 months since we've been together. 8 wonderful months and more on it's way. :]

Finally it's less than a week before I'm there. ^@^ 1 month we get to spend together, it's gonna be kickass. (:

<3
Older Post | Newer Post

JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO JOLLYBOO