As much as I depise this thing called life... Sometimes... I am greatful for it. I was able to meet you, get to know you and feel what it's like to have you. Although it seemed like a short period of time we've been together, we sure did have a lot of laughs and good times. (: For now we've parted and gone our seperate ways, I hope we'll bump heads at the end of the road. :] I'll always be here for you, no doubt. ^@^ Just gimme a holla! ;]

Missing you. <3 What else is there to say or do... He doesn't love me the way he use to, I am no longer "the one"... No matter how many things we went through together, the things I did for him, the things he did for me, it still couldn't help keep the relationship together... Yeah, I wanted it to work and so did he, at least thats what I was told... When you love someone, you don't give up so easily or give up at all... Yeah, maybe I was dragging on with what I wanted to do but that's just because I wasn't sure about anything. The only thing I knew for certain was that I wanted to be with you...

I'm so confused still... I just don't understand how I went and applied myself for school wasn't reassuring enough... Doesn't that prove anything to you, that I'm more than committed and I want us to be good... Like I said, it wasn't even like I was postponing this whole thing, I went and got my shit together once I got back to Boston. When I asked you how that wasn't reassuring, you went on telling me something and kind of trailed off... I don't know what to believe... First you say I was pushing you away, then you wasn't being reassured enough, you're being selfish, the time wasn't right, ya-de-yah-yah... The conversation just went in a circle... It was like, same question but different response...

Don't lose sleep over this just because I am, eat right, one of us has to, treat yourself good because I can't...

You're a great man... You'll make some other girl really happy. I wish you the best of lucks... And us being friends...

I still love you. × Right now I'm... ×
→ Feeling: Confused
→ Eating: Nothing
→ Drinking: Nothing
→ Wearing: Black Beater.Gray Shorts
→ Listening to: Young Berg Ft. Ciara - Give You The Business
→ Watching: Nothing
→ Chatting with: No one
→ Thinking: About him...
→ Wanting: Him...
→ Wishing: For us to be okay...

Every day I'd shed some tears, wishing and hoping that everything will work out... I know you don't like knowing that I'm hurting or crying... I try not to, I really do because I know you can't stand it... I can't stand knowing you're hurting cause of me... But I just can't help it... Whenever I stop crying, I'd start all over again because I know you don't want to be with me... Why all of a sudden? Am I not being a good enough girlfriend for you? I just want to go back to a month ago, where we were nothing but happy...

When I look at people, they can see that I'm tired, losing so much sleep... They see someone that is unhappy... When I look at you, I'm filled with nothing but happiness and joy.

Without you, I am nothing...

"Now that I've lived with you, I can't live without you"

I don't want a future where you're not in it... Theres no such thing...

Waking up in the morning is so hard because I know today is going to be no different from yesterday...

People say with each passing day, it'll get better and easier. How? Without you, theres no escape...

I've always told you that you are worth the wait and I'm not going to go back on my word because you are, I'll be waiting... What a nightmare...

Just when I thought things might be getting a little better, it comes crashing down all at once.

Couldn't sleep right, kept tossing and turning, waking up in the middle of the night several times...

Who am I going to run to when all shit goes down? You were the only person I looked forward to talking to, to brighten up my days. When all hope was lost, I knew I can turn to you because I knew you'd be keeping my walls in tact, filling in the pieces, making everything okay. How does someone handle a situation like this? You say I'm still your bestfriend but being lovers and friends are two different things. Being friends can only fulfill so much needs and lovers can fulfill all... I honestly didn't believe this was going to happen. I mean, I guess I had a feeling but I thought I was just over thinking. It's not over thinking when it's coming from your mouth that we should separate.

Okay, I might am being selfish to say that I want you to myself... How can losing the perfect boyfriend or perfect anyone for that matter make anyone feel good? I believed we can overcome anything, maybe I was just sugar coating it or giving it false hope... Trying to make everything easier but instead it's a lot worst... I'm not blaming anything on you because you're only looking out for yourself, I'm more so blaming it on myself. Why? Because you even said in the beginning that this might not work out, yet I still gave it my all... Hurting myself in the end... I guess it was a sign when you told me, "if worst comes to worst, we'd still be really great friends", I should've took into consideration that you were already thinking...

I still want you to think about what I said in the IM message that I sent you... Give it some thought... "If worst comes to worst, we'd still be really great friends", at least we'd still have that... Hope we can talk soon...

I just wanna crawl into a dark hole and cry myself to sleep because this world is too cruel for me and life itself just isn't fair...

I love you, always have, always will... "Let it go...
Can’t let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, going do what you want to do
Can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right"
- Mary J. Blige Such a dramatic change, from having all of you to having so little... I got a little too comfortable... Since I've been back, everything seems so blehh. Okay, so I have been back for only 3 days but still! Thats a long time to be away from him. =X I don't know how to feel or how I should feel, definitely not like this. I just want to be with him already. The secure feeling I get when he's around, nothing in the world mattered, only ones mattered was us. :] I liked that, maybe a little too much. =X These things aren't controllable... When have people been able to control their feelings? Never.

Life has too much caution signs up, it'd be nice if they'd lower their guard down for a little.

Today is my 1 year with the store. [Insert sarcasm] Yay. It's been too long with the store, it's time to move on. So, what do I want to do?

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. Life
     part two?

This thing called life, some people love it and others hate it. Me, I personally don't really have a preference. Some days I'm high on it and other times I'm miserable. I guess it really depends on whats going on. I know I've blogged about this subject a few times before but I'm still trying to figure out what it really means or what it's really all about. Yes, the saying is "you only live life once so live it to the fullest" but living to the fullest means all responsibilities is thrown out the window or forgotten? A lot of people's problems are because they're NOT responsible for their actions. Being cautious and what-not about things sure does bring your "fun" down. Always thinking about the consequences. What if there was no such thing? Would this world be in a happier place? Would people be in debt or are left on the streets being homeless? These questions will never have an answer but it doesn't hurt to ask, right? (: Never know, there just might be an answer, I just gotta look deeper into it. If only life was more simpler [yeah, yeah, I know, life is what I make it]. Sometimes I wish there was a "starter's kit" for this thing, life. At least it'll help a little or a lot. Lead me in the direction I want to be going or need to be going. That helping hand stopped coming once you leave high school because after that, you're into your adulthood... =T It'd still be nice to know once in awhile that I'm doing the right thing or I've accomplished what needs to be done.

I'm safe to say this much, I'm happy and thats a big factor in all of this. I do have my moments but that doesn't mean it's going to bring me down. I got so much more to look forward to then to dwell on stupid shit. Life is too short to care what happened in the past. You move on and explore some more. Spending all of my time and energy on something that doesn't even matter no more or no one really gives a shit is so wasteful. Once that time is gone, you can never gain it back so don't be an idiot, keep your head up and smile. Theres not enough time for nonsense so go out and play, have fun, smile, laugh, etc. It doesn't matter what other people think because it's not important, only your opinion matters most. Fuck what they said and heard, only you know yourself best. (:
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