And just like that, 1 year has gone by since my last post... There were a lot of ups and downs in the past year... A lot of things happened. One thing that remained the same are the people who's still in my life with an exception of a few new comers.

So here's a quick recap on the things that happened since the year began.

I was on a vacation for a week in January. Went on a nice cruise with the boyfriend and his siblings. Let me add, I've never been on a luxurious cruise before so it was quite interesting. In a good way of course! We were able to attend a lot of fun and eventful shows while enjoying and relaxing our days on the ship. Needless to say, the trip felt short... As all vacations tend to feel like it could have lasted a bit longer... :P We also got to wine and dine everyday, it was definitely the life. Ha.

Finally finished classes in May... Without a doubt, I haven't really found a real job in replacement to my current jobs... But it does feel great to know that I've come so far.

So many happy and sad feelings... Agree to disagree. I'm right and you're wrong! Not enough quality time spent... I guess it's hard because we're not in the same state. Yes, New York isn't all that far but still, it's also not next door. We try to make the best of it. Most of the time I can't complain but other times I feel like, has it really come to this...? We use to argue about petty things, occasionally we still do but not as frequent. We'd argue about League of Legends because he'd spend too much time on it. When he's playing that game, there's no means of any attention for me at all. He get's so sucked into it and trying to focus so hard that I pretty much vanish, even though I'm right in front of him on Skype. It's quite frustrating and tiresome to always argue about the same nonsense... For awhile, I kind of just ignored it but now when I think about it, I get so angry because nothing really changed... Even after we've tried to have a heart to heart about the situation... Somehow it always end up going back to the beginning... Where all hell broke loose... I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I want him to want to change and see how it's affecting us. After all, we've already talked about it and my feelings are out there about the matter, it's completely up to him to decide how to manage and approach it. I'm only human and I can only withstand so much. I don't want to be the one who's always trying and seeing that things aren't the same... This distant feeling is all too familiar... We both love each other but how much of that is it where we're in love with each other... I think it's the lack of attention that I'm not receiving is making me doubt us...

Change... It's scary. I think I just hit my ultimate low in life... I'm so depressed thinking about it... I can't help but shed tears because I'm a mess... I don't have my life together... Yes, there are others out there in this world who are in my situation but it has never hit me like this before... I'm just realizing that I will be done with college and will be getting my associates degree soon and what am I going to do with it? I have no freaking idea... It's as if I just went to school just because and I have nothing to show for it... It's quite depressing... I'm going to end up with no career, like many people in this world... I really DON'T want to fall into that category... It's so embarrassing thinking about it and it's quite shameful even sharing it on here... :\ But I don't know where to go to with this... This place is like my own little secret portal... Judgement free zone. Luckily I don't have many or if any viewers at all reading this... Right now I cannot handle any criticism, even if they are constructive...

I envy my brother and Eddie... I'm proud of them for finishing school and landing a job... I must say, I'm a bit jealous because I feel like I'm in this pitch black hole with no direction... I can't say enough of this... FML... Seriously though... There's no better way to describe how I feel but to say FML... I really feel like I suck... I'm lucky to have them in my life, despite the way I feel about myself, my brother knew how to make me laugh and forget about my problems just for one brief moment... Eddie, being the silly loving boyfriend that he is, he knew exactly the silliness that'll get to me. :) Now, if only life was that simple... If only you can just live off jokes and shit will just fall into place. *Sigh* Help...?

*Sigh* I need to do a lot of work... Give me a sign because I can use all the strength that I can get... Point me in the right direction. :|
This is just one of the many pictures we took together. <3

:) It was a wonderful weekend in New York with my lovely Boyfriend. Had a really fun time at his sister's wedding. :) Although I was left alone for a good chunk of time in the beginning, I did eventually get to spend some quality time with my Love as the night began to come to an end. We danced our asses off even though we were being silly. :]] I really enjoyed myself. I can't ask for any better because what we shared was more than what I was expecting. I can be myself and not be judged but instead be appreciated for who I am. :) I am truly lucky to have him in my life. :) I don't know how I've gone through life for so long with him not being in the picture. :P None the less, I'm so grateful to be able to call him mine. <3

I am looking forward to what the future holds because I know it's finally in my favor and with him Eddie along my side, we will overcome anything that life has in store for us. :) So unforgiving... I cannot stand that about myself... I need to learn to let things go sometimes, it's for the best... It doesn't make things better... It only makes matters worst. Sometimes I really suck. :\ I hate when this happens. :( It's really no big deal but knowing me, I want to add fire to the fuel... Yay... Ridiculous really. :X I want to let it go... I don't want it to bother me... It's so stupid... I already knew what was going to happen... Yet I still let it surprise me. I guess I really like to set myself up for disappointment. :\ Arg... So much contradiction... =.=" What the ---- is wrong with me...? What a terrible trait to continue latching onto... *Sigh* I know I shouldn't bring it up but I will... Cause that's me... This really sucks about me... I just really suck... =.=" I stayed single for as long as I did because of the unnecessary drama... I can't stand the lies and dishonesty... Be truthful... How can you expect this to work if you're being sneaky and making yourself look as guilty as you are? It's just ridiculous... As much as I missed having that someone to call mine, I didn't miss the baggage it came with...

*Sigh* Time is the essence... Hopefully things'll change and maybe be in my favor... We'll see though... I can only hope for the best... Every relationship requires work and I guess mine needs a lot... :\ That was short lived... And life goes on.

I'm always questioned to why I don't trust many... It's because they're as fake as the blow up doll locked away in their closet. If people are truthful and honest, I wouldn't have these trust issues. But because people like to constantly tell lies, how do I decipher if they're being real or not. Be honest with yourself before trying to capture another's trust. It's not easily handed out just because you want it. You as a person have to earn it. Like many things, you have to work for it if you really think it's important.

It's a tad bit sad when people lose sight of what's important that they're clouded by their own judgement.

Life is a game. Only the strong survive. Let the game begin. It's incredible how much bullshit one can give... It's a pity how ignorant and childish some people are. I actually feel sorry for them. How can one be so selfish and inconsiderate? My mind is so boggled by peoples' actions... Makes me really wonder what their purpose in life is. Obviously it's not something too great. I won't let this BS pull me down. Nothing in this world should bring me down... Especially the cause of another's moronic decisions and actions. They can "kick rocks". :)
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