Why the hell am I so mad? Oh right. Idiocy seems to keep finding it's way to cross paths with mine... I don't understand why stupidity always gets the best of people... Seriously? Wth is wrong with people? Is it really that complicated? I'm laying in bed all angry and cannot sleep when the time is only getting later... Why does shit just keep on piling up? Clean it up already... I'm sick and tired of it... I don't want to be like this but lately, this is the only way I know how to be. I really hate it... :/ It really does suck being miserable... I wish I can just turn off my brain sometimes cause I really don't want to deal with this crap... Thinking hurts and it leads to more anger.... Oh the irony of what's going on... What to believe? Actions speak louder than words... So why bother wasting your breath in explaining nonsense to me. Prove it to me that what you're saying is what you stand by. Don't say one thing and do another. Hypocrites are the worst! Precious air is being wasted with your meager lies... Don't bother... *Sigh* I just wanna give up sometimes... =.=" I'm tired of being a sour puss... It's rather annoying to always feel this way... I don't mean to dislike so many things... I'm not doing it on purpose but shit happens... Apparently tons of crap... Urgh... Kind of makes my blood boil... I'm in such a terrible mood and the day is just beginning to start... It's going to be a long day...

I shall finish getting ready for work because I don't want to be late... Maybe I'll get back to this later when I get home... We'll see... So much bitching&moaning... I don't wanna do it... Guess it can't be helped...

[ EDiT : 12:04 AM ]
There were so many things going on in my head but now that I'm editing this, I can't think of anything to type / say... Maybe it's cause I'm tired and it's been a long day... I really hate when this happens...

Sometimes I just don't want to care... I just want to be like, "Fuck it. Do what you want and I don't give a damn"... But instead I let it bother me and let it to get to me... I know I shouldn't cause it's so foolish to act like this but I do... I let it get the best of me... And I don't know how to control it... I don't want to be a douchebag... But sometimes I just am because I lose sight of things... I'm blinded by all this negativity instead of thinking about the goods... I'm clouded by the misjudgments and kind of go off track... It does take a lot sometimes for me to get back on the right road... I hate when that happens... Why do I have to make nothing into a big effing deal? It's quite irritating and I just can't seem to help myself... But I can't just take all the fault... Nor do I want to point fingers... I guess I'm doing it anyway cause I'm a bit angry and some what disappointed... We're better than that. So why must stupidity always get the best of the situation... Maybe I'm just expecting too much... I should never put you in that situation... I'm setting myself up... It doesn't do anyone any good... Maybe I am just overreacting... I don't want to be... :\ It doesn't make me happy... I'm sure you're feeling uncomfortable too cause you don't know how to act about it... I can't have high hopes cause when it fails me, I'm hit by it so hard that I'm all dysfunctional and can't act / think right...

There's plenty of things that I like but there are just as many things that I dislike... Maybe more... :X As positive as I try to be, I do get down fairly easily... I can over think nothing and go from there... It just happens... I disapprove it but that doesn't mean it's not going to happen. I probably shouldn't read into many things because it probably doesn't have a back story behind it. Instead I tend to try to make some sense anyway and throw in my mix emotions to try and justify any means of what happened... Over analyzing nothing sucks... Cause it probably is just nothing and I'm trying to turn it into something... I don't know why I do it but I do... It is hard to open up sometimes cause I always feel like I'm complaining when I do... I know it'll help the situation cause at least the other party knows what's going on... But I'm a bit self conscious when we're talking about feelings... I don't want to misconstrue what we have... It really doesn't help when I keep things to myself though... So much back and forth. What exactly to do... I'm tired... I don't wanna seem like the bad guy for being upset but how can I not be...? :\ It's a bit frustrating because sometimes it really does feel like what I'm saying isn't important and it's just going in from one ear and out the other... I really want to just not be angry because I dislike being mad... Especially at you... :\ I don't know what to say because I don't want to argue... I want to be able to talk about it but I feel so annoyed at the subject because it's happened twice already... As a matter of fact, it happened back to back... That made me really furious because it seemed like what I said had no affect... I was speaking my mind and trying to fix the situation... But instead of taking it into consideration, it was just thrown out the window as if it never happened. ><" I don't want to nag or begin to do so because I know how annoying that can be... I guess that's why sometimes I just don't say anything and keep things to myself because I don't want to seem like I'm complaining... Other times it just can't be helped, it needs to be out in the open so we can work on it... Now thinking about it further more, I do feel like I'm complaining and I want to stray away from that as far as possible. I'm in no position to be doing that... It doesn't help the situation at all... It actually hurts it more... =.="

Can all the negative vibes just go away?! Thanks, much appreciated... Sometimes I dislike myself because I tend to be way too stubborn and hotheaded to let some things go... I get so caught up with dumb things that I don't see the bigger picture. :\ I hate being blinded by my emotions that I act like a big ol' jerk just because. I get even more angry with myself when I'm acting like this to him Mark... He's been nothing but sweet, kind, understanding, nice to me and caters to my needs... Yet I'm a selfish idiot... =.=" I hate being like that and it was towards him... >< I get so frustrated with myself after thinking about what just happened. How can I be so stupid to have let myself go like that? I need to learn when to just let it go so it doesn't drag on like this cause it's really not worth it... I'm truly lucky to have him by my side, for him to negotiate with me when he doesn't have to. Understanding my wants and dislikes that he's willing to sacrifice himself to make me happier... He really does treat me like a King... And all I can do is apologize for acting like a selfish fool and hope it doesn't happen again... :[ I can't fathom enough how amazing he's been to me... And when I think about the stuff that's going on in my mind and my actions, he shouldn't put up with my bullshit... There's no need for him to... :\ I do feel that he's too good for me sometimes cause of my stupidity... When this happens, I think to myself how did I end up with someone as great as him? I am blessed to have an Angel as him to call mine. I will try to be more rational and not get upset over something so petty. Thank you for being you and compromising with me. :]

<3 You Mark really is an Angel that was sent to me. <3

You make me a better person and you know how to make me happy. :)) One night without seeing his Mark's face made me realize how much I miss him when we're not seeing each other over Skype... It felt so different going to bed without hearing his voice and saying goodnight to each other... I didn't like it for one bit. ><" It was just unnatural when that happened. :\ I'm not being clingy or anything but my days / nights always seem imperfect when my daily routine is messed around with. Spending time with him is part of my routine and when that was out of the picture for the night, it was weird... I never noticed how much I can miss someone until something like this happens. Hopefully it won't happen again for awhile cause I missed him like crazy whoa. xD I know... We haven't necessarily known each other for too long but the truth is, we've been spending so much time with each other that it seems like we've known each other for an eternity. It just feels natural to be around him. <3 He makes my days brighter when I wake up knowing that he's mine. :) Hopeless romantic or not, being with him seems to be the right thing. I haven't been happy because of another person in awhile. This feeling that I have for him is unshakable. I like it. >:] I'm so excited! :D I mailed out the goodies to him Mark. <33 I hope he gets it soon. :3 I want him to enjoy it as much as I did putting it together. :PP Just thinking about his reaction makes me happy and smile. :]] He's cute. <3 He was really excited for me to mail it out too. Haha. xP The damn wait. I want him to get it already! Sharing some things that I enjoy, I hope he likes it just as much or more. :D I can deal with either. ;]

So sleepy... I didn't get enough sleep last night. Tried to take a power nap in my car before class and it didn't go so well. :[ I tried getting some zZz's when I got home... Double fail... Brother called after I fell asleep for 30 minutes ish cause he needed me to pick him up at the station so he can use the car... Haven't gone back to sleep since... I'm waiting for Babe <3 to wake up from his nap so we can skype for a bit before I sleep for the night. :P My night isn't complete if I don't get to see his face. :3 I shall suck it up for a bit longer because it'll be worth it in the end. <3 I will get a move on and brush and then continue waiting. :PP At least I'll be that must closer to sleeping when we finish. :) Never expect the unexpected because it's very random. Especially when it's that thing called Love. It's been awhile since I last felt this way... The happiness about another person. The uncontrollable excitement with just one thought. :) I've been out of the loop for awhile. Almost forgot what this feeling felt like. It's amazing. <3 I'm not saying I'm in love because it's way too soon to be at that stage right now and there's really no rushing it. But what I know for certain is that I feel that joy whenever I see his face and hear his voice. <3 I always find it surprising what one person can do to make my world go round. The feeling of that void being filled with such sweetness and laughter. It's just simply fantastic. :]

No matter the distance, happiness and "love" will somehow find it's way to you.

I truly thought to myself that I wouldn't let this happen again but I guess no matter how great the distance between us is, feelings just can't be controlled just because there's so many miles between us. It takes two to tango. As cliche as that may sound, it's so true. Every relationship requires work from both ends, if only one person is putting in all the effort, the relationship will go sour very quickly... There would be no point in being in a relationship because one cannot be that selfish and only lookout for their own well being. With distance thrown into the mix, it does take a lot more effort to make it work because we're limited in doing things. We can make the best out of everything that we can until the time comes where that distance just disappears. :) Just have to be more optimistic and see the glass as half full, rather than it being half empty. :3

Take chances and risks because life is too short to play it safe. Obviously that doesn't mean to be stupid. There are certain things that just isn't worth risking but there's plenty out there to see. Just gotta be smart about it and trust your instincts. :) You can say I'm a risk taker, I'm not really one who usually follows the rules by the book. :P I like to do what I will and what makes me happy, even if others find it foolish. I am who I am because of what I do and how I control my life. I will not stop being me just because a few rotten apples disapprove. :)

I'm happy. <3
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